And I stood there wondering where I put my map.
When you are young you dream of what you will do when you grow up. I'll be an astronaut, a doctor, or movie star. I'll meet Prince Charming and he'll sweep me off my feet. We'll have children and live happily ever after as a family. This is the map I am following. Reality does intrude and some detours are taken but all in all I am still following the same road. I found my Prince Charming. Now I just need the children. OK let's look at the map. Prince here...follow the line for the kids. Wait! What is this fork in the road? This was not planned.
Early in our marriage I was interested in adoption. I had looked into different agencies but I didn't look too hard. I was too young and we thought it was a good idea but after we had our own child. A few years later the desire to adopt resurfaced but again we pushed it aside and told ourselves we would after we had our own. As you know from this blog, we tried and tried.
When I stopped to think about what was going on in our lives, I would have multiple reactions. I was confused and angry at God for letting this happen to us. As I calmed down, I began to think there is a reason He is allowing this to happen to us. Why give us the desire for children and then tell us no. We found this verse..."Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain." Psalms 127:1(NIV) We were trying to build our own house and not asking God what we should do. We have prayed and prayed and we feel like God is not telling us no for children just children in another way.
We are now entering the adoption world. We have just taken the first steps. We have talked to some agencies and trying to find the best program for us. We need prayers!! Lots of them! We are looking at the Taiwan programs from a couple of different agencies. We are trying to find what is best for us and what God wants us to do. Please pray that God will give us a definite answer. That He will close the door to the program we shouldn't be in. Close it where there is absolutely no doubt.
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood and I stood there wondering where I put my map. I looked around and found that God had the map the whole time.
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I have a dear friend who has walked in your shoes. She tried several different infertility treatments to no avail. She and her husband choose to pursue adoption. After several heartbreaking events, she finally became a Mommy 5 years ago. She is patiently waiting to see if another birth mom will give her the chance to do it all again. The road you walk will not be easy but God knows and will carry you through.
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