Something's been weighing on me...

I read this article the other day and I can't stop thinking about it. It was written by another adoptive mom. She is writing about what she would like for you to know about adoption and assumptions about adoption. While I agree with some of the things she said, I get an overall aggressive or angry tone from the article. If that is how she feels then I can't change that but it is not how I feel at all. Why has this been weighing on me? I don't want anyone to ever read anything like this and then feel as if they can't talk to us about our infertility, adoption, or our daughter. With that said, I'm going to give my thoughts on a few subjects she brought up.

First of all, when we went down the path of international, inter-racial adoption we opened ourselves up to all kinds of assumptions and opinions from everyone. Whether or not these are good or bad, whether they should express them to us or not, is not under our control. This is just what people do and there are idiots everywhere!! Opinions and assumptions are everywhere!! We will not escape them. Yes, at times they will make us frustrated and angry but people's assumptions and opinions make me frustrated and angry about many other topics than adoption. It's just a part of life.

When people look at our family and see Paul, Clarissa, and me, they will know we adopted. They will know she is our "adopted daughter". There will be no hiding it. Does that make her any less our "daughter"? NO! She will always know that she was adopted. There is no way or reason to keep this from her. Will she know we love her with all of our hearts, no matter if she is adopted or not? I SURE HOPE SO! If you are interested in adopting and you see us, should you ask us about adoption? OF COURSE!! We would be happy to talk about it. Why? BECAUSE GOD HAS DONE SO MUCH FOR US THROUGH THIS ADOPTION. WE WOULD BE CRAZY NOT TO WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.

Now, when people see us out and assume we adopted and they see no other biological children, they are going to assume that we had fertility problems. As much as we wish that wasn't true, they would be right. Was adoption plan A for us? NO! Was it plan A for God? YES!! When we decided to start our family, we didn't ask God for his opinions or thoughts. We just did what most everyone does and tried to have our own. It didn't work. I was angry at God. I didn't talk to God (other than to yell at Him). But here is the thing...He knew what He wanted us to do all along. He used this hardship to bring us closer together as a couple and to bring us both closer to Him. If we don't talk about our infertility, then I feel like we are hiding glorious things that God did for us. I don't ever want to be a person not willing to share God with others.

One last thing. Adoption is different from the norm. I understand that. Women who have not gone through adoption don't understand. Its OK. I don't understand ALOT of things that I have not experienced first hand. I understand that a group of moms could think the questions that they normally ask a new mom won't apply to me, and leave me out of the conversation. I get it. But ask me. I'll tell you about how you can compare the paperwork to the trying to get pregnant stage. I'll tell you about the waiting and how it made me feel excited, scared, and impatient. About how I wondered if I would ever be a good mom. How I couldn't wait to see her face. Just like you couldn't wait for the ultrasound. I'll tell you my dreams of what we will do as a family. What things I can't wait to teach her and show her. I don't believe any of those feelings are different than someone who is pregnant.

When I read the article, I really felt like I wanted to put something out there for my friends and family. Something that says we are open to talking about anything you want to talk about. Really, its not our story. Its God's story of how He made our marriage stronger and then built our family. I am so excited about what God has done for us that I can't wait for you to ask.