Its been a long time...

It has been so long since my last post. Here's the update. WE ARE WAITING! There is actually more of an update but I don't want this post to be too long so I'm going to be posting multiple posts in the next few days. But, right now, let's talk about the waiting.

We have waited 9 months and 4 weeks. That is just since our dossier made it to Rwanda. We started back in February 2010 so that makes it 17 months of waiting. We decided to adopt 20 months ago. We tried for our own children for an additional 3 years. Grand total of desperately wanting a family...approximately 4 years and 8 months!!

When we decided to adopt we knew we would have to make some sacrifices. You know save up money and not spend like we used to. No vacations. That is a tough one for us. We are vacation people. It is really hard for us to drop the stress of everyday life if we can't get away. We haven't had a vacation in almost 2 years. Yeah, we have went away for a Friday/long weekend thing but only 2. Two in two years!! Let me just say the stress is piling up.

We have started fighting more and more over little stuff. A few weeks ago we fought over how to tie up my cucumber plant for over an hour. Once the dust settles we realize that it is just our frustration with this situation and not over the cucumber plant.

I want to start this part by saying I am not complaining that I am a housewife. About 3 years ago, I quit my job to relieve some stress and hopefully that would help us get pregnant. I planned on being pregnant within 6 months of being home. Now 3 years later, still no kids, I will admit it is hard getting out of bed some days. My mind says, "what does it matter if you get out of bed. No one else is here. No one else cares. There is no one to take care of and no need to get ready to take care of anyone because who knows if you ever will." It is not easy waiting and being at home alone most days.

Now, I know we signed up for this wait when we started to adopt. True! We didn't sign up to be left in the dark though. There is very little to no information coming out of Rwanda. Rumors abound and you never know what is true or not. One day we are being told to expect approval by the end of whatever month we are in and then it could be 2 months before anything happens. I don't believe and can't believe that this is the normal adoption process. Other governments go in order and even if it is a long wait, you know where you are in line. They will get to you eventually.

So that is where we are. Waiting for something. We are trying our best to cling to God but there are days when I shake my fist at Him. Home life is stressed to the max! So, that's where I'm ending the first part of this multi-part post. There is much more coming, but I wanted to catch you up with the backstory for what is to come.