We got an e-mail from AGCI (our agency) yesterday with an update on the progress in Rwanda. It said that the goal right now with MIGEPROF is to review one dossier a day and that their main focus is reviewing dossiers. This is wonderful news! This means that all the families that have been waiting so long (so so long) and those of us who have just joined the wait will be matched with our child soon. Soon being a relative term. :-) Some people might not consider 4 or 5 months soon but I'll take it!
I thought this wait would be easier. I felt so guilty during the paperwork process if we let a day go by and didn't work on something. I kept telling myself that once it gets to the point of being in someone else's hand I can just sit back and live just like I had been before. I was wrong. I have just gotten worse. The night we heard that Rwanda was closing its doors, we were in a state of panic. I searched websites and blogs and counted the hours til we would know for sure if we made it. Now that we made it, I worried constantly that putting the new standards into place would be their main focus and all the dossiers would be put to the side. When we got our September call, it was so early in the month, no one really knew what was going on. So again, I counted the hours til our October call. In the meantime, I would stay on the internet for hours looking for any tidbit of information that would let me know what they were doing over there. The searching and worrying has just gotten worse and now I'm just mad at myself. I have let the house go, meaning laundry and dished has piled and everything else you can think of. I cleaned some yesterday but I did it in such a bad mood. Why can't I let it go and just wait? Other people have done it, I should be able to do it too. When I start thinking about my wait, I feel so selfish because others have waited SO LONG before me. Its just a roller coaster of emotions. I may be going crazy, I don't know.
One thing I know for sure is I want worry about the wait one second when Clarissa is home!!
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You're not going crazy! Your thoughts sounds very familiar to mine. There are times when I get lost in the wait, seeking more information, checking blogs MANY times every day, and generally being miserable. When I can focus on what I need to do TODAY and my needs and my family's needs in this moment, I'm at peace. Staying in the moment, though, is the difficult part. Blessings!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much! So wonderful to hear from someone else that is going through this. I'm glad I'm normal.
ReplyDeleteYep, you are not alone. My husband is getting so sick of my web surfing and starting each sentence "So, if...."
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