I was working on one of my Bible studies today. This particular one is about John and it is a Beth Moore study. I have just started it and in the homework we are learning about when Jesus called John to be His disciple.
"'Come, follow me,' Jesus said, 'and I will make you fishers of men'" Mark 1:17
Beth goes on to say..."I am convinced that one part of that sentence applies to every person Jesus Christ calls: "Come, follow me, and I will make you..."
Jesus calls to me. He says, "Come, follow me, learn about me, rely on me, love me, talk to me, think about me, and I will make you..."
Doesn't that just open up so many possibilities. When I first stopped and thought about it, I said "OK, I want you to make me this... a good mother, someone who knows what to say, a better wife, more compassionate, less afraid to talk about you, make me someone that people would want to look upon, and while we are at it...why don't you make me prettier, smarter, funnier, you know, all that appealing stuff. Yeah, this all sounds good to me.
There it is again. If you read that last paragraph over, you see "me" all over it. I might as well have said me, me, me, me, me, me, and more me. Basically, my earlier statements say... "Make ME better and then I can do everything for you.
What am I thinking?!?!? Why would I want anything to do with me?!? I am so imperfect. I say all the wrong things. I do all the wrong things.
So, after my first reaction, here is my prayer:
"Come, follow me, Jesus said, "and I will make you...."
"I will follow, Lord. Please make me less of me and more of YOU!!"
Monday, January 31, 2011
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Who are you again?!?
Hello again! Miss me? :)
Well, you know how it is with the holidays. Nothing gets done. I also stopped reading blogs for a while. I found it easier to wait if I wasn't constantly searching for information. I have slowly been making my way back and it is easier now than before not to get sucked in to reading everything and having to know everything. Those days to happen, though, don't get me wrong. Some days I think if I find the right forum or blog, I'll know everything I need to know.
First, there is movement in the adoption. Every few days I hear of approvals and that is wonderful. Still a good ways away from us but every one approved is one closer. That's about all the news. Since we are so far down the list, any news we hear doesn't really make a huge difference or change to our wait.
Christmas was wonderful!! This year Paul and I exchanged gifts. We haven't done that in a few years. It was great!! We probably went a little overboard but next year all of our money will be going to Clarissa. :-) Even though Clarissa couldn't be here this Christmas, she still got gifts.
My mother-in-law got her the Piglet rattle, my mom got her the hair bows, and my sister got her the piggy bank, complete with change (from my nephews most likely).
We rang in the new year with some good friends. Played a few board games and listened to Backstreet Boys and New Kids on the Block (I don't think they are so "new" any more) on Dick Clark's Rockin New Year's Eve.
Now back to regular life. I'm reading everything I can get my hands on. I'm doing two new bible studies. One on John and one on Paul. I'm trying to get better housecleaning habits so that life will not be so hard once Clarissa makes it home. And I'm just waiting. Without even being here, Clarissa is the center point of our lives. Everyday is lived around the waiting and preparing. I'm seeing God alot in this time. I'm seeing Him calm me more than ever before. I'm OK with the waiting as long as I am certain God is here with me waiting.
Well, you know how it is with the holidays. Nothing gets done. I also stopped reading blogs for a while. I found it easier to wait if I wasn't constantly searching for information. I have slowly been making my way back and it is easier now than before not to get sucked in to reading everything and having to know everything. Those days to happen, though, don't get me wrong. Some days I think if I find the right forum or blog, I'll know everything I need to know.
First, there is movement in the adoption. Every few days I hear of approvals and that is wonderful. Still a good ways away from us but every one approved is one closer. That's about all the news. Since we are so far down the list, any news we hear doesn't really make a huge difference or change to our wait.
Christmas was wonderful!! This year Paul and I exchanged gifts. We haven't done that in a few years. It was great!! We probably went a little overboard but next year all of our money will be going to Clarissa. :-) Even though Clarissa couldn't be here this Christmas, she still got gifts.
My mother-in-law got her the Piglet rattle, my mom got her the hair bows, and my sister got her the piggy bank, complete with change (from my nephews most likely).
We rang in the new year with some good friends. Played a few board games and listened to Backstreet Boys and New Kids on the Block (I don't think they are so "new" any more) on Dick Clark's Rockin New Year's Eve.
Now back to regular life. I'm reading everything I can get my hands on. I'm doing two new bible studies. One on John and one on Paul. I'm trying to get better housecleaning habits so that life will not be so hard once Clarissa makes it home. And I'm just waiting. Without even being here, Clarissa is the center point of our lives. Everyday is lived around the waiting and preparing. I'm seeing God alot in this time. I'm seeing Him calm me more than ever before. I'm OK with the waiting as long as I am certain God is here with me waiting.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Whoever said...
Well, its been a month since I have posted anything. There are reasons for that. First, we participated in the Ordinary Hero fundraiser. I wanted my post about that to stay on the opening page of my blog for the month. Thank you so much for everyone who bought something. You are greatly appreciated!!
Second, there is really nothing else to post. We got our monthly call in November but there was really no news of which to speak. The Rwandan government has been in training meetings or something like that. I'm glad they are learning how to make everything better, I'm glad they seem to really care about the kids and realize that what they are doing affects a child's life tremendously. On the other hand, though, every day that passes without a referral affects a child's life tremendously, too!
It is a fine line I walk with my emotions every day. I don't want to blog about the hard times and then someone say, "look, adoption is too hard. I don't want to do it." But the truth is I have to vent sometimes.
Some days it is almost too hard to bare. Some days I don't want to look at another blog or even think about adoption because it hurts. Some days I avoid going in the nursery or even looking at it like the plague. Each holiday that comes up I wonder, will she be here for the next one? Some days I fear something is wrong with me because I can't stay excited all the time. Its just too hard. Then I feel guilty because I know there are people out there that have waited soooo much longer than I have. I just don't see any progress being made. I just don't feel like everyday that passes is one more closer to Clarissa. I know I'm wrong. I hope I'm wrong.
Whoever said, "no news is good news" was not adopting!
So, to sum it all up. There is no new news. Nothing has changed. We are still just waiting.
Second, there is really nothing else to post. We got our monthly call in November but there was really no news of which to speak. The Rwandan government has been in training meetings or something like that. I'm glad they are learning how to make everything better, I'm glad they seem to really care about the kids and realize that what they are doing affects a child's life tremendously. On the other hand, though, every day that passes without a referral affects a child's life tremendously, too!
It is a fine line I walk with my emotions every day. I don't want to blog about the hard times and then someone say, "look, adoption is too hard. I don't want to do it." But the truth is I have to vent sometimes.
Some days it is almost too hard to bare. Some days I don't want to look at another blog or even think about adoption because it hurts. Some days I avoid going in the nursery or even looking at it like the plague. Each holiday that comes up I wonder, will she be here for the next one? Some days I fear something is wrong with me because I can't stay excited all the time. Its just too hard. Then I feel guilty because I know there are people out there that have waited soooo much longer than I have. I just don't see any progress being made. I just don't feel like everyday that passes is one more closer to Clarissa. I know I'm wrong. I hope I'm wrong.
Whoever said, "no news is good news" was not adopting!
So, to sum it all up. There is no new news. Nothing has changed. We are still just waiting.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Wanna change the world? Or at least help out a friend...
November is here, and it is Adoption Awareness Month! YAY!!! What does that mean for you? It means a way to help out! Here's how...
Ordinary Hero is helping to raise funds for everyone's adoption. They have these really cool shirts for sale and for this month only if you buy one of those shirts 100% of the profits goes to help an adoption! How great is that?!?
Want to know how it works? Go here to the Ordinary Hero blog. Along the sidebar, there are pictures of all of the shirts. They use paypal so ordering is a snap.
You may find yourself saying, "That is a great idea! How much?" You can help us bring Clarissa home for the low, low price of only $24.95!! That's $10 for the cost of making the shirt, $10 for us, and $4.95 shipping/handling.
Now, the most important part...MAKE SURE IN THE NOTE TO SELLER, YOU PUT MY NAME AND CLARISSA'S NAME! (Jennifer, Clarissa) You want to make sure your money goes to the right place, don't you?
If you are still not convinced to buy a shirt, let me give you more reasons...
1. You love us. Come on, you know you do! What would your life be like without the Dockery's and who wouldn't want to help bring a new one home?!?
2. You need to get the uniform now while your purchase will help us out. What do I mean? Paul and I are working to spread what Ordinary Hero does to Chattanooga. We are going to change the world. Starting here! You don't want to show up to help not sporting the logo, do you?
3. If the clothes make the man, don't you want to be a man/woman/child who makes a difference? Each purchase gives $10 to our adoption.
4. When you wear the shirt you tell the world, I'm going to change the world! I'm going to make a difference and it challenges them to do the same. What in this world doesn't need a little changing?
WOW!! All of that in one shirt! AMAZING!! Don't delay this offer won't last long!!
Ordinary Hero is helping to raise funds for everyone's adoption. They have these really cool shirts for sale and for this month only if you buy one of those shirts 100% of the profits goes to help an adoption! How great is that?!?
Want to know how it works? Go here to the Ordinary Hero blog. Along the sidebar, there are pictures of all of the shirts. They use paypal so ordering is a snap.
You may find yourself saying, "That is a great idea! How much?" You can help us bring Clarissa home for the low, low price of only $24.95!! That's $10 for the cost of making the shirt, $10 for us, and $4.95 shipping/handling.
Now, the most important part...MAKE SURE IN THE NOTE TO SELLER, YOU PUT MY NAME AND CLARISSA'S NAME! (Jennifer, Clarissa) You want to make sure your money goes to the right place, don't you?
If you are still not convinced to buy a shirt, let me give you more reasons...
1. You love us. Come on, you know you do! What would your life be like without the Dockery's and who wouldn't want to help bring a new one home?!?
2. You need to get the uniform now while your purchase will help us out. What do I mean? Paul and I are working to spread what Ordinary Hero does to Chattanooga. We are going to change the world. Starting here! You don't want to show up to help not sporting the logo, do you?
3. If the clothes make the man, don't you want to be a man/woman/child who makes a difference? Each purchase gives $10 to our adoption.
4. When you wear the shirt you tell the world, I'm going to change the world! I'm going to make a difference and it challenges them to do the same. What in this world doesn't need a little changing?
WOW!! All of that in one shirt! AMAZING!! Don't delay this offer won't last long!!
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Looking for mad mom skillz? Inquire elsewhere....
Mad mom skillz? I have none. Let me tell you how I found this out....
This Saturday, we were lucky enough to be able to participate in the Ordinary Hero Halloween Outreach 2010. Each child was paired with a volunteer, and was able to enjoy this wonderful fall festival at a church in Nashville. More about that in a bit. Right now, let's talk about how I'm in charge of making sure one gorgeous two year old little boy has fun.
First thing, he wants to get something to eat. So after asking what he wants, he tells me he wants pizza and juice. Wonderful...easy peasy. The pizza stand also has juice. Woot! Shortly after we order pizza, we had this conversation.
Me: What kind of juice do you want? (points out the juice)
Boy: Juice!
Me: Do you want grape juice, orange juice, or fruit punch?
Boy: Juice!!
Me: (trying to take a new angle) Do you want purple, orange, or red?
Boy: Juice!!!
Me: We'll take the fruit punch please.
Paul was so kind to point out later that I picked the only one of the three that was NOT juice!
Later, after eating, we are going to check out the very cool inflatable slides and jumping things. We get there and once he sees how big they are he decides he doesn't want to go up. I'm now trying to get his shoes back on. (You have to take your shoes off to do the inflatable thingies.)
Me: Ok, buddy, let me put your shoes back on. (I then proceed to lift his leg and just as swiftly...I knock him over. Flat on his back. Who knew toddlers would topple so fast?)
Then we went inside to find balloons. So while holding a coat, juice that is not juice, candy, and nachos, I try to tie a balloon to his arm. It took me three tries!! The first two attempts floated straight to the ceiling as soon as I let go.
Now...we have balloons...what next? He was a little too nervous to do the slides outside, so we did the games inside the church. He seemed to really enjoy these. As we are wondering around, we find a puppet show. What a great idea!! We could sit (I rest) and enjoy a puppet show. Now up to this point, all this little boy has said to me, is juice, yes, no, balloon, or candy. We go in to the puppet show and this is what follows...
Me: Ooh a puppet show! Where do you want to sit?
Boy: (looks around) I don't want to sit down!!
Wow, I guess the puppet show was not as good an idea as I thought.
At the end of the day, I find Paul and we team up. More snacks for the kids then to the swings. It takes Paul at least 5 minutes to get the balloons untied from my little boys arm so he can swing. In the meantime, I'm pushing his little girl. Finally, I say, "Are you ready to get off? Wanna go to the slides?" She says yes. What do I do? I stop pushing so she will slow down. After about 2 swings, she jumps! The swing comes back empty! Oh my!! She was fine, though.
I'm glad my home study is done and no one was judging me on yesterday! LOL So...I may need to work on my mad mom skillz before Clarissa gets home.
But seriously, yesterday was a wonderful day. God has been working on Paul and me so much lately. We want to do more. We want to give more. This was a great opportunity to help with this wonderful outreach, and to learn more about how to make outreaches like that happen here. Stay tuned because you are going to see more of Ordinary Hero!! We are praying, thinking, and planning. If you are a friend, family, or church member, be prepared. We are going to need help giving and serving. They'll be lots of opportunity heading your way.
I heard a song that says exactly what I'm feeling...
I don't wanna live like I don't care
I don't wanna say another empty prayer
No, I refuse to
Sit around and wait for someone else
To do what God has called me to do myself
Oh, I could choose not to move but I refuse!
This Saturday, we were lucky enough to be able to participate in the Ordinary Hero Halloween Outreach 2010. Each child was paired with a volunteer, and was able to enjoy this wonderful fall festival at a church in Nashville. More about that in a bit. Right now, let's talk about how I'm in charge of making sure one gorgeous two year old little boy has fun.
First thing, he wants to get something to eat. So after asking what he wants, he tells me he wants pizza and juice. Wonderful...easy peasy. The pizza stand also has juice. Woot! Shortly after we order pizza, we had this conversation.
Me: What kind of juice do you want? (points out the juice)
Boy: Juice!
Me: Do you want grape juice, orange juice, or fruit punch?
Boy: Juice!!
Me: (trying to take a new angle) Do you want purple, orange, or red?
Boy: Juice!!!
Me: We'll take the fruit punch please.
Paul was so kind to point out later that I picked the only one of the three that was NOT juice!
Later, after eating, we are going to check out the very cool inflatable slides and jumping things. We get there and once he sees how big they are he decides he doesn't want to go up. I'm now trying to get his shoes back on. (You have to take your shoes off to do the inflatable thingies.)
Me: Ok, buddy, let me put your shoes back on. (I then proceed to lift his leg and just as swiftly...I knock him over. Flat on his back. Who knew toddlers would topple so fast?)
Then we went inside to find balloons. So while holding a coat, juice that is not juice, candy, and nachos, I try to tie a balloon to his arm. It took me three tries!! The first two attempts floated straight to the ceiling as soon as I let go.
Now...we have balloons...what next? He was a little too nervous to do the slides outside, so we did the games inside the church. He seemed to really enjoy these. As we are wondering around, we find a puppet show. What a great idea!! We could sit (I rest) and enjoy a puppet show. Now up to this point, all this little boy has said to me, is juice, yes, no, balloon, or candy. We go in to the puppet show and this is what follows...
Me: Ooh a puppet show! Where do you want to sit?
Boy: (looks around) I don't want to sit down!!
Wow, I guess the puppet show was not as good an idea as I thought.
At the end of the day, I find Paul and we team up. More snacks for the kids then to the swings. It takes Paul at least 5 minutes to get the balloons untied from my little boys arm so he can swing. In the meantime, I'm pushing his little girl. Finally, I say, "Are you ready to get off? Wanna go to the slides?" She says yes. What do I do? I stop pushing so she will slow down. After about 2 swings, she jumps! The swing comes back empty! Oh my!! She was fine, though.
I'm glad my home study is done and no one was judging me on yesterday! LOL So...I may need to work on my mad mom skillz before Clarissa gets home.
But seriously, yesterday was a wonderful day. God has been working on Paul and me so much lately. We want to do more. We want to give more. This was a great opportunity to help with this wonderful outreach, and to learn more about how to make outreaches like that happen here. Stay tuned because you are going to see more of Ordinary Hero!! We are praying, thinking, and planning. If you are a friend, family, or church member, be prepared. We are going to need help giving and serving. They'll be lots of opportunity heading your way.
I heard a song that says exactly what I'm feeling...
I don't wanna live like I don't care
I don't wanna say another empty prayer
No, I refuse to
Sit around and wait for someone else
To do what God has called me to do myself
Oh, I could choose not to move but I refuse!
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
What can I say?
Hmm, what to talk about....what to say. Still a couple of weeks til our next phone call. I don't have any kiddos yet to give me funny stories to talk about. My dog sleeps all day so he isn't giving me any stories either. Hmm...I know!
I going to this retreat! http://createdtocarewomensretreat.blogspot.com/
I'm excited! It will be wonderful to meet other moms. I have to admit I'm a little nervous. I don't go places on my own. I go with Paul (hubby) or with some friends. So, I'm happy I'm going and I'm happy to get to meet the other moms but I'm also a little afraid I'll be lonely and won't make friends. I'm a little boring, I'm a lot a geek but at least we'll have adoption in common. Well, aside from my crazy musings, check out the website. Maybe buy a T-Shirt.
One more thing, check out the Shop for a Cause button I added to the blog. If you are already thinking about Christmas gifts, try to buy something that also gives back. Follow the link and you should get all the information you need.
I going to this retreat! http://createdtocarewomensretreat.blogspot.com/
I'm excited! It will be wonderful to meet other moms. I have to admit I'm a little nervous. I don't go places on my own. I go with Paul (hubby) or with some friends. So, I'm happy I'm going and I'm happy to get to meet the other moms but I'm also a little afraid I'll be lonely and won't make friends. I'm a little boring, I'm a lot a geek but at least we'll have adoption in common. Well, aside from my crazy musings, check out the website. Maybe buy a T-Shirt.
One more thing, check out the Shop for a Cause button I added to the blog. If you are already thinking about Christmas gifts, try to buy something that also gives back. Follow the link and you should get all the information you need.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Just a quick update....
We got an e-mail from AGCI (our agency) yesterday with an update on the progress in Rwanda. It said that the goal right now with MIGEPROF is to review one dossier a day and that their main focus is reviewing dossiers. This is wonderful news! This means that all the families that have been waiting so long (so so long) and those of us who have just joined the wait will be matched with our child soon. Soon being a relative term. :-) Some people might not consider 4 or 5 months soon but I'll take it!
I thought this wait would be easier. I felt so guilty during the paperwork process if we let a day go by and didn't work on something. I kept telling myself that once it gets to the point of being in someone else's hand I can just sit back and live just like I had been before. I was wrong. I have just gotten worse. The night we heard that Rwanda was closing its doors, we were in a state of panic. I searched websites and blogs and counted the hours til we would know for sure if we made it. Now that we made it, I worried constantly that putting the new standards into place would be their main focus and all the dossiers would be put to the side. When we got our September call, it was so early in the month, no one really knew what was going on. So again, I counted the hours til our October call. In the meantime, I would stay on the internet for hours looking for any tidbit of information that would let me know what they were doing over there. The searching and worrying has just gotten worse and now I'm just mad at myself. I have let the house go, meaning laundry and dished has piled and everything else you can think of. I cleaned some yesterday but I did it in such a bad mood. Why can't I let it go and just wait? Other people have done it, I should be able to do it too. When I start thinking about my wait, I feel so selfish because others have waited SO LONG before me. Its just a roller coaster of emotions. I may be going crazy, I don't know.
One thing I know for sure is I want worry about the wait one second when Clarissa is home!!
I thought this wait would be easier. I felt so guilty during the paperwork process if we let a day go by and didn't work on something. I kept telling myself that once it gets to the point of being in someone else's hand I can just sit back and live just like I had been before. I was wrong. I have just gotten worse. The night we heard that Rwanda was closing its doors, we were in a state of panic. I searched websites and blogs and counted the hours til we would know for sure if we made it. Now that we made it, I worried constantly that putting the new standards into place would be their main focus and all the dossiers would be put to the side. When we got our September call, it was so early in the month, no one really knew what was going on. So again, I counted the hours til our October call. In the meantime, I would stay on the internet for hours looking for any tidbit of information that would let me know what they were doing over there. The searching and worrying has just gotten worse and now I'm just mad at myself. I have let the house go, meaning laundry and dished has piled and everything else you can think of. I cleaned some yesterday but I did it in such a bad mood. Why can't I let it go and just wait? Other people have done it, I should be able to do it too. When I start thinking about my wait, I feel so selfish because others have waited SO LONG before me. Its just a roller coaster of emotions. I may be going crazy, I don't know.
One thing I know for sure is I want worry about the wait one second when Clarissa is home!!
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